1. Find your voice and speak up for yourself.
How often have you spoken up, but were not heard? It’s happened alot to me over the years in relationships, and was one of the reasons why my voice eventually shut down. I simply gave up, which wasn’t a healthy choice by the way!
High quality relationships, turn potential conflicts into an opportunity to be more authentic and learn more about each other. However, this requires all parties involved to be mature, patient, and agree to listen openly without judgement. This may call for breaking some old patterns of communicating.
For some of us, it was our family of origin, where we learned to be “seen” and not “heard”. You might have been reprimanded or punished for speaking your mind as a youngster. What you learned from birth to five years old, remains in your subconscious as a belief that operates throughout life, without realizing it.
2. Don’t let anyone walk all over you like a doormat.
It is clearly wrong to allow anyone to bully or dominate you to the point of loosing your identity. If you find yourself in a relationship with a dominant personality type, it’s up to you to stand up to them! Dominant types won’t back down, can be over-bearing, won’t take NO for an answer, or allow others to have an opinion.
Once again, use your voice and stand your ground with a dominant person. If you do, you’ll have more respect for yourself, and they will have a healthy respect for you.
If dominance turns into abuse, this should not be ignored, get professional help. This requires careful consideration about your next steps.
3. Respect yourself by having healthy boundaries.
What kind of life do you want? What do you need? How would you like to be treated? Givers are often challenged with setting boundaries, and may need outside help in order to establish them.
Setting boundaries is the best way to respect your physical and emotional needs and limitations. It’s important for you to establish what these are! No one else can set them for you!
Next step is to clearly communicate your boundaries to others. If the people in your life know what your boundaries are, and you allow them to cross over them again and again, you are teaching them not to respect you. You will end up feeling depressed, angry and enormously under-valued.
4. You are not invisible.
What is it that makes a person feel invisible? Imagine if you have gone out of your way to look really good, and no one compliments you. You go out of your way to prepare for something really important, and no one notices. You’re at an event or party and someone you know looks right past you to greet someone else, not you. Yep, these are ways of feeling invisible.
The underlying belief of feeling invisible, is believing that you’re not special or unique, that you don’t matter, or that you’re not as good as others. This is a lie. Big time!
How do you end feeling invisible? Find your worth! There are 30 to 40 trillion cells, perfectly arranged to make you who you are. There’s no one else on this earth exactly like you! When you understand your worth, find your brilliance, and start believing in yourself, you won’t care if others notice or don’t notice, but most likely, they will.
5. If you need help, love yourself enough to get it!
There is no shame in getting the help you need, to cope with difficult times in your life. If you notice that you’re unhappy more than you’re happy, or a negative pattern is developing, or find that your coping strategies aren’t working, it’s time to consider professional help.
Personal growth may sometimes include a period of professional help, or include the support from a compassionate life coach.
Don’t wait for a situation to become out of control, love yourself enough to get help.
6. You are stronger than you think.
Sometimes you wonder, how in the world am I going to get through this? There are sudden moments in life that take you by surprise and challenge you to your very core.
You are stronger and more resourceful than you think. There are so many ways to gather up strength for a “season” of difficulty. Among the ways are: friendship, connection, community, education, self help books, getting out in nature, exercising, yoga for breath, balance and resiliency, and meditation for mental and spiritual strength.
It is written, “Seek and you shall find”. I have used all of the above ways, including connecting with my spiritual source and being firmly rooted in faith, which is my cornerstone, rock, and foundation.
7. Self-Care and Self Love is not selfish.
It wasn’t a thing, or common in our parents or grandparents generation to acknowledge or promote Self care or Self Love, as a practice. In fact, we may have been conditioned to think it’s selfish, self serving, and conceited to have such ideas.
Self Care and Self Love is actually the highest form of respect for the miracle of the human body; keeping it balanced and in perfect order as it was created to be.
Taking the time for self care, loving yourself enough to eat healthy, exercise and sleep well, is the way to stay healthy and strong. You can not serve from a cup that is half empty!
8. Learn how to say NO and when to say YES, you will have more respect for yourself, and others will too!
If you know that your answer is NO, don’t hesitate, be absolutely clear about it straight away. This can be done with love and respect. If you’re not sure of your answer, give yourself enough time to think it over, and let the person know that you’ll get back to them. Make sure you follow up and don’t leave them hanging, that’s the respectful thing to do.
For the love, don’t say YES, if you mean NO in your heart.
On the other hand, what about the incredible opportunities that may come your way, that you’re afraid to say YES to? Don’t let fear or self doubt keep you from from trying new things! Saying yes can turn out to be amazing! You’ll never know unless you try!
9. Bad things can happen to good people, and there’s no control over that.
Plain and simple, it rains on the just and the unjust.
As humans, we search for a higher purpose and reasoning to sort through the emotions of understanding why bad things happen to good people.
I have accepted that this happens in our life on earth; and I believe that all things will work together for the good.
10. Life isn’t seamless, things change and it’s never too late to have a wonderful life.
This is a simple one! Life is tough sometimes. When you’re an adult, you have the option to choose. You’ll have many opportunities to change your choices, that will change your life. This is up to you!
Don’t go down saying that you didn’t try. You’re not a victim. It’s never too late to have a wonderful life.
Debbie Laino – Transformational Health Coach
ARE YOU READY for a happier life ? A conversation won’t cost you a thing, and it might be the most important step you take for yourself. You can connect with me personally by scheduling a 45 minute FREE “Getting to Know You” Discovery Session on ZOOM. Email: email@example.com