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Author Archive for Debbie

Is it a Mid Life Crisis, or a Mid-Life Transition?

A midlife “crisis” isn’t always about the anxiety brought about by aging and recapturing a perceived loss of youth and charm – that might be a social construct! We’ve all heard stories about the “mature” guy who spontaneously purchases a fancy sports car or a long desired motorcycle and then starts forming “casual” relationships with much younger women. However, many times this mid-life thing, is triggered by a major event:  a marriage ending, job loss, the death or loss of a loved one, empty nest, or relocation.

This period of time is often accompanied with deep reflection.

I want to start by saying that I am not against medication. I have seen many who have benefitted from the traditional approach where medication is often prescribed. That said, I do support looking at all the possibilities for finding and treating the root cause of such issues as a first choice, or at least as a companion to traditional therapy.

Here are the statistics that motivated me to take this subject on and create a Signature Program to address it in fullness:

  • 1 in 10 Americans take antidepressants for depression.
  • 25 percent of women in their 40s and 50s take antidepressant medication, which is a greater percentage than any other group.
  • According to a study several years ago published in the Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics Journal, almost two-thirds of the 5,000 patients sampled were diagnosed as clinically depressed, yet they did not meet the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder criteria.

Let’s Describe how a “mid-life crisis” might feel:

  • Unexpected emotional melt downs
  • Life feels boring….dull… Meh
  • Life is overwhelming
  • Life is catching up to you
  • Old “stuff” that was never resolved, is rising to the surface
  • Regrets are prominent
  • New anxieties are popping up
  • Questioning what life might have been like if you made different choices
  • Wearing many masks to hide your truths, and you don’t want to keep lying to yourself
  • You may also be a work alcoholic as a way of avoiding emotional discomfort
  • Your moods are unpredictable
  • Loss of identity, asking the question “Who am I?”
  • You are falling into a funk – or worse….. depression.

What are the signs that a “funk” is turning more into depression:

  • Your eating habits are way off
  • Loss of appetite
  • Difficulty falling to sleep and dealing with extreme fatigue
  • Chronic feelings of pessimism or hopelessness
  • Restlessness, anxiety or irritability
  • Feelings of guilt, helplessness or worthlessness
  • Low libido
  • Withdrawing and loss of interest in activities you once loved
  • Thoughts of, or attempts at suicide (please get professional help immediately if this is the case for you)
  • Physical aches or pains ( headaches, tummy aches, etc.) that don’t respond to treatment

Let’s take another look at this subject

WHAT IF…. we referred to the event we’ve been calling a “Mid-Life Crisis” as a MIDLIFE TRANSITION?!

WHAT IF…. this painful period, is actually a HUGE opportunity to awaken, heal, transform and GROW?

WHAT IF…. you thought of this as not having lost your identity, but having the opportunity to create a whole new one.

WHAT IF…. this shift of mindset, could create a whole new field of possibilities!

This is a purposeful time when adults often reevaluate their lives, their goals, their purpose/career – its a time to rediscover dreams and grow to new heights.

Is the Mid-Life Transition Signature Coaching Program for You?

If your answer is I think so, but I have questions, then please arrange a FREE, No Obligation call or Zoom Session with me to see if this is a good fit for you. Contact me through email: agelesswomanmovement@gmail.com

My life experiences, certifications, trainings and heart centered intuitive coaching have made it possible for me to address such things.

I would be honored to lead you on this journey of self discovery and transition.

The good news is…. if you’re a procrastinator, you’re not lazy.

Research has confirmed this!

Have you experienced the desire to take actions, but you have difficulty bringing yourself to start the task?

So, How can we overcome procrastination?

First, explore your resistance to getting that task done.

What might be the reasons for putting off this task?

There are a number of possible reasons you could be procrastinating.

What procrastinating style are you?

The thrill-seeking procrastinator. Waiting until the last minute for the euphoric rush of completing something JUST in time. This person might  work best under pressure – but science is saying that this actually produces stress, guilt and ineffectiveness.

The Avoider procrastinator. Are you avoiding success or failure out of fear? If you wonder if this is true for you….What emotions get triggered when you picture success, or when you picture failure.  Is fear of being able to manage success an underlying issue? Is the thought of failure unbearable? In either case, both are highly concerned with what others think.

The Decisional procrastinator. They struggle to make decisions; which way is the RIGHT way….for them, not making a decision relieves them of the responsibility of making a choice that could have a potentially poor outcome.

The Perfectionist Procrastinator: They typically desire a flawless A+ performance or achievement. Perfectionists may rationalize in their mind, “its more acceptable not to tackle a task than to face the possibility of falling short, not looking perfect or even worse….failure”. Perfectionism can make life feel like an endless report card, which on the positive side, can be self-motivating and drive you to overcome adversity and reach success or…..on the negative side…. it can be a fast track to unhappiness, doubting your performance and always wondering if you’re good enough.  For this type of procrastinator …gaining the affection and approval of others is dependent on a flawless performance.

OR…    

Maybe you have been putting off a task because it is something you don’t enjoy doing.

Maybe there are other activities that you prefer to choose first, and the task you procrastinate about, is not a priority.

Maybe the task seems to difficult.

Maybe you are afraid of becoming vulnerable and opening yourself up for judgement.

Which reasons are more compelling? The reasons to do the task, or the reasons not to? If there are more reasons not to do the task, perhaps it needs to be removed from your list of things to do.

If there are more reasons to do the task, then the following self talk can help with overcoming procrastination:

I have been putting off this task,  I am aware of the reasons I have been procrastinating, but I realize that this behavior is hurting me, and keeping me stuck.  I love and accept myself enough to do what I need to do…. to succeed in my journey.

#procrastination #innerwisdom #innerpeace #coaching #beliefs

10 Life Lessons I Learned, Worthy to Pass on

1. Find your voice and speak up for yourself.

How often have you spoken up, but were not heard? It’s happened alot to me over the years in relationships, and was one of the reasons why my voice eventually shut down. I simply gave up, which wasn’t a healthy choice by the way!

High quality relationships, turn potential conflicts into an opportunity to be more authentic and learn more about each other. However, this requires all parties involved to be mature, patient, and agree to listen openly without judgement. This may call for breaking some old patterns of communicating.

For some of us, it was our family of origin, where we learned to be “seen” and not “heard”. You might have been reprimanded or punished for speaking your mind as a youngster. What you learned from birth to five years old, remains in your subconscious as a belief that operates throughout life, without realizing it.

2. Don’t let anyone walk all over you like a doormat.

It is clearly wrong to allow anyone to bully or dominate you to the point of loosing your identity. If you find yourself in a relationship with a dominant personality type, it’s up to you to stand up to them! Dominant types won’t back down, can be over-bearing, won’t take NO for an answer, or allow others to have an opinion.

Once again, use your voice and stand your ground with a dominant person. If you do, you’ll have more respect for yourself, and they will have a healthy respect for you.

If dominance turns into abuse, this should not be ignored, get professional help. This requires careful consideration about your next steps.

3. Respect yourself by having healthy boundaries.

What kind of life do you want? What do you need? How would you like to be treated? Givers are often challenged with setting boundaries, and may need outside help in order to establish them.

Setting boundaries is the best way to respect your physical and emotional needs and limitations. It’s important for you to establish what these are! No one else can set them for you!

Next step is to clearly communicate your boundaries to others. If the people in your life know what your boundaries are, and you allow them to cross over them again and again, you are teaching them not to respect you. You will end up feeling depressed, angry and enormously under-valued.

4. You are not invisible.

What is it that makes a person feel invisible? Imagine if you have gone out of your way to look really good, and no one compliments you. You go out of your way to prepare for something really important, and no one notices. You’re at an event or party and someone you know looks right past you to greet someone else, not you. Yep, these are ways of feeling invisible.

The underlying belief of feeling invisible, is believing that you’re not special or unique, that you don’t matter, or that you’re not as good as others. This is a lie. Big time!

How do you end feeling invisible? Find your worth! There are 30 to 40 trillion cells, perfectly arranged to make you who you are. There’s no one else on this earth exactly like you! When you understand your worth, find your brilliance, and start believing in yourself, you won’t care if others notice or don’t notice, but most likely, they will.

5. If you need help, love yourself enough to get it!

There is no shame in getting the help you need, to cope with difficult times in your life. If you notice that you’re unhappy more than you’re happy, or a negative pattern is developing, or find that your coping strategies aren’t working, it’s time to consider professional help.

Personal growth may sometimes include a period of professional help, or include the support from a compassionate life coach.

Don’t wait for a situation to become out of control, love yourself enough to get help.

6. You are stronger than you think.

Sometimes you wonder, how in the world am I going to get through this? There are sudden moments in life that take you by surprise and challenge you to your very core.

You are stronger and more resourceful than you think. There are so many ways to gather up strength for a “season” of difficulty. Among the ways are: friendship, connection, community, education, self help books, getting out in nature, exercising, yoga for breath, balance and resiliency, and meditation for mental and spiritual strength.

It is written, “Seek and you shall find”. I have used all of the above ways, including connecting with my spiritual source and being firmly rooted in faith, which is my cornerstone, rock, and foundation.

7. Self-Care and Self Love is not selfish.

It wasn’t a thing, or common in our parents or grandparents generation to acknowledge or promote Self care or Self Love, as a practice. In fact, we may have been conditioned to think it’s selfish, self serving, and conceited to have such ideas.

Self Care and Self Love is actually the highest form of respect for the miracle of the human body; keeping it balanced and in perfect order as it was created to be.

Taking the time for self care, loving yourself enough to eat healthy, exercise and sleep well, is the way to stay healthy and strong. You can not serve from a cup that is half empty!

8. Learn how to say NO and when to say YES, you will have more respect for yourself, and others will too!

If you know that your answer is NO, don’t hesitate, be absolutely clear about it straight away. This can be done with love and respect. If you’re not sure of your answer, give yourself enough time to think it over, and let the person know that you’ll get back to them. Make sure you follow up and don’t leave them hanging, that’s the respectful thing to do.

For the love, don’t say YES, if you mean NO in your heart.

On the other hand, what about the incredible opportunities that may come your way, that you’re afraid to say YES to? Don’t let fear or self doubt keep you from from trying new things! Saying yes can turn out to be amazing! You’ll never know unless you try!

9. Bad things can happen to good people, and there’s no control over that.

Plain and simple, it rains on the just and the unjust.

As humans, we search for a higher purpose and reasoning to sort through the emotions of understanding why bad things happen to good people.

I have accepted that this happens in our life on earth; and I believe that all things will work together for the good.

10. Life isn’t seamless, things change and it’s never too late to have a wonderful life.

This is a simple one! Life is tough sometimes. When you’re an adult, you have the option to choose. You’ll have many opportunities to change your choices, that will change your life. This is up to you!

Don’t go down saying that you didn’t try. You’re not a victim. It’s never too late to have a wonderful life.

Debbie Laino – The Inner Peace Health Coach

ARE YOU READY for a happier life ? A conversation won’t cost you a thing, and it might be the most important step you take for yourself. You can connect with me personally by scheduling a 45 minute FREE “Getting to Know You” Discovery Session on ZOOM. Email: agelesswomanmovement@gmail.com

Meditation and Patience

Meditation doesn’t create patience, it fosters letting go of impatience. I’ve heard many people who are very active, comment that they feel impatient, fidgety and bored during meditation. If this is true for you, I encourage you to give it a try, starting out with a 5 minute meditation and gradually building yourself up. The practice of meditation helps the busy “monkey mind” to slow down and become present. This is difficult for some people, because they’re either in “review” of what was; or in anticipation of what will be. It’s helpful to acknowledge your incoming thoughts, but not hanging onto them…..just let them pass by, and become more like an observer.

When I lead guided meditation I begin by giving participants a chance to unwind and shake out their physical tension….and slowly allow them to feel more grounded. One of the reasons I love leading guided meditations, is to inspire your imagination to find the answers to your questions and bring you more clarity and peace.

What you’ll notice when you meditate more often, is that it quiets down anxiety and lets go of impatient thoughts. Meditation cultivates a calm and clear mind. You will connect with your spiritual source, and feel more centered, balanced and peaceful.

Join me LIVE on ZOOM, Monday Nights at 9 PM EST, for my Guided Meditations. Just click on link:  https://zoom.us/j/93614897696

Meditation and Trust

Meditation can be a challenge in the beginning for many people. It is said, that it takes approximately 20 minutes for some people to “feel safe” enough in a public environment to fully tune into meditation. If you’ve experienced that feeling …you’re not alone. Some find it more relaxing to meditate in the privacy of their home for this reason.

You may also notice that while being in a quiet state of mind, feelings of skepticism and irritability can suddenly pop up in your thoughts. This is part of the process; acknowledging thoughts and feelings that are present and intentionally letting them go. Then suddenly that moment happens where you experience that lovely, quiet, accepting space between your thoughts, that may people write and talk about.

Be patient, this doesn’t happen overnight. Everyone experiences their journey with meditation differently and thats ok. I promise you, that if you stick with it, you will see profound changes. You will develop a deep sense of trust in the subtle power of meditation and actually look forward to this quiet space and time.

Join me LIVE on ZOOM, Monday Nights at 9 PM EST, for my Guided Meditations. Just click on link:  https://zoom.us/j/93614897696